Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Worth the Fight


Fighting to be accepted by people, who are supposed to be fighting FOR YOU.  

 Fighting for every inch of what I know I deserve, what every human deserves. LOVE.

Fighting for that little piece of acknowledgment, the moment where you know you are noticed in someone’s eyes.

Fighting for happiness, because everywhere I turn it feels like someone is trying to take mine away.

Fighting for respect, the kind of respect where everything about you is respected by someone.  


It’s exhausting. 

Basic human rights that everyone should feel, is exhausting. Yet, I keep pushing forward and fighting every moment that comes my way, because I know it’s important. I know that I am  laying the ground work for the future generations of souls that shouldn't have to fight, shouldn't have to feel the sadness when someone tells you that you are not equal.

 I fight because if I didn't, I would feel worthless, because that’s who I am made to feel. Made to feel less then someone else because of who I love. Your actions imply your love is better than mine.  Those actions are hurtful and causes such deep emotions it alters the way I feel about you, which I struggle to resist feeling. I don’t want to be like you. I don’t want to judge you because of how you judge me, but sometimes, the emotion is so great for a split second, that I do.

Then I begin to fight again. This time I find my opponent to be myself. I fight myself…back and forth…back and forth…Let it go, those words and actions, those hurt so deep, but they don’t know, they don’t understand, it’s not personal, it’s their fears,  let it go. But yet, I let go every day, I love unconditionally, I try being honest of how I feel (which is very difficult for me), yet they don’t listen. So I constantly fight. My huge heart is constantly battling love for others and love for myself.   LIVING the love pouring from my soul and BATTLING the emotions of those I love the most.  

There never seems to be a winner. I always just seem to fight, but I never seem to gain any ground. I think the fight might be making a difference, and then another blow comes from a place I wasn't expecting. The part of the fight that’s the hardest to understand is the opponent doesn't seem to fight very hard, one word, one gesture, one action, can knock me to my knees, and shatter a heart.  I just wish ONCE, in this fight, my opponent was AWARE, of how long it takes for me to stand back up. How it takes a second to break a heart, a million minutes to put it all back together again and what seems like a lifetime to realize once again, that me, Shannon Leigh Julia Bender and who I am and who I love will ALWAYS be worth the fight. 

No comments:

Post a Comment